Hello Hip Huggers! Hiatus is over. I have returned to the block…
This is certainly happening because I am 98.8% over the narrative in the fitness, weight loss, body image industry right now. I have found most of the people, places, or things I follow do not motivate me to get up and run for strong legs, crunch for a tighter core, or eat for longevity like they used to. I’ve reached a place where motivation has to come from within.
That’s why I must blog. For I am her, and she is me.
What happened to start where you are? Where are the people who are just walking 30 minutes a day? Cutting out fizzy drinks? Getting more sleep? Just trying to make it?
Success happened to me, so I thought. In 2016, I decided I was fed up with myself. I had reached my desired weight of 156 (high school weight) and was just trying to stay within that range. I was a runner, logging 100 Miles a month most of the time. I worked out at the gym several times a week and attended all kinds of Zumba, Insanity cardio classes. After all that yummy fitness, I was empty. Still.
I learned the hard way if you don’t deal with the empty, food will fill the space again.
So, recently, I have started reclaiming my mind and my fit. I am an honest 216 lbs. wearing XL shirts and size 18 jeans, 16 in pants. My goal is (still) to get under 200 lbs and under 35-inch waist. I am eating normally (mindfully: eating when hungry, snacking minimally, staying hydrated), yet not tracking calories, not eliminating food groups, and working out a few days a week.
Cycling is my love and has taken the place of running… in this season. I look forward to hopping on and getting better because cardio is my mainstay and although lifting and cross training is vital for the gains I like to see, cardio is freeing to me, and the sense of accomplishment is both gratifying and uplifting to my spirits. Endorphins, yes I know. But, he cares. It works for me.
Right now, my old faithful salads and kombuchas are the constant every day. I know, I know, they get old quick, but I have danced this 2-Step before and know the overhaul burns out just the same. I literally have only committed to 30 mins of something most days and intuitively eating. I would love to adopt an 18 hour fast but still need to research (read: convince myself) if it’s the best thing for me.
But let us not forget the real work, the internal work that is even more in need of discipline and renewal. Because the reason I believe I am even revisiting these goals is that I was consumed with checking the boxes, but not checking in on myself.
I have forgotten myself. I must admit, I stopped making myself a priority in my own life. I was reminiscing the other night about who I was when I lived in the city. Before the weight, and food were even on my radar of thing to concern myself with. I would practice lots of self-care with 5 little ones at home and didn’t even bat an eye. Nails, pedis, an array of shoes and always on the prowl for cute earrings, I took advantage of opportunities to do something that made me smile. I refused to lose myself in parenthood, as a helpmate, and even as a church member. I was going to be me!
Fast forward 10 years to home ownership, suburban life, teenagers and a husband who works ALL the time, I have found fewer and fewer things bringing me contentment. A clean house folded clothes, and a fridge full of food began to be the joyful things… I know, lame. But, I am on a path of enlightenment and all things are considered on this one. Shopping, meditating, praying, purging, and even purchases… all the things that let me know Pamela is still in there and has a full life she’s ready to live again.
So, this is the state of me. Physically and psychologically focused, I am taking responsibility for both my body and my (well) being.
Are you too sharing the same struggles while adulting?